I was just going through my previous blogs and it amazes me how each piece is ‘what I’m feeling at that moment’ piece. The heart is but a wonderful thing, it makes you feel so many things at the same time and it gets super confusing and then the mind well it has its own reasons.
I had my mini happiness last month when I landed in Kay town on my birthday, it was special. Those 10days of my life I wanted to pause yet they passed by in a blink. I tried to stop and control every feeling of sadness my heart was giving off while leaving for Dubai and seeing my mom standing there saying goodbye to me, my heart just sank, so there I was standing wanting to hug her and cry my heart out yet I stood there like a robot gave her a quick hug and kiss and told her to leave, before the tears that were almost on the edge start dropping.
That moment I realized how hard it is to let go. It’s one of the super hardest thing any emotional freak like me can go through (I can so hear my sister saying drama to all this) but truth is I want to go back. I want to go back ever since I came here. I want to go back because I want to. I want to go back because I can’t let go.
Many times letting go is the only option you have left, and trust me it is one of the best only options anyone can have and actually accept. Once you let go you realize you should have let gone way before. In fact one of my most used words when advising is let go, let go because it would make things easier, let go even if it kills you.
But in this situation ‘not’ letting go is an option and deep down my heart knows it’s not a bad option or decision. In all this ‘holding on’ is my reason of strength, I look forward to each day because I still hold on. Because I know that going back for once is not going to break me, going back would only make me move forward, going back I know is going to bring something good out of life.
People think I am an emotional fool, oh I so agree to that. But at the end of the day it is who I am and I do what makes me happy. Being rational solves a lot of issues and makes life less complicated, but then what would life be without a little drama in it, boring exactly.
PS- I consulted the brain too by the way and it says do what your heart says.
18th Nov 2012, 2:07 pm