Let’s Get Lost

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If I get a day to sit back and think, I write.

Not much of an analyzer type I tend to do things in instants without giving much thought to them, but then again that’s what makes me who I am. Sometimes the choices people make aren’t always the right ones but then again those choices need to be made to bring them to what they are today. From the beginning that is how things were meant to be hence being grateful, I won’t say is the key but is the solution, it is the answer to all those questions you have in your mind. Being grateful would keep you away from all the miserable thoughts occurring in your mind. When the tides are not in your favor trust me just start counting the blessings and automatically the unfortunate happenings in your life will disappear. And yes my dear friend in order to keep sane for your own good, blind is what you’ve got to be, fooling your heart is the trick you’ve got to learn.

With the world moving at supersonic speed around you and you standing still not knowing where to go from here, it’s okay, relax, take time, don’t be so hard to yourself, happens to all of us, best I won’t say coz no one is perfect.

Life is…how should I put it ….amazing…oh yes it is amazing. We just have to enjoy every bit of it, every bit that comes to us. The pain, the love, the betrayal, the anger, the happiness, the problems, the solutions, the change…we just have to welcome all of it into our lives, because at the end of the day these all are what makes life worth it.

Sometimes lonely is all you want to be

To shut down all the worldly noise

And go in to a world only you could see

Let yourself be lonely, search yourselves. Lose yourself, and then find yourself.

To be lost is confusing but trust me you’ve got to get lost because only then you will be able to find yourself and that feeling is amazing.

I know there is fear, but don’t let that fear control who you are, the fear of not wanting to be with someone because you might lose them, the fear that you will hold on, fear of not knowing how things would be, fear of being lost. You have to at a point let go of this fear, this fear that stops you and you have to get lost. Seek, search, learn, forgive, love and never stop at it.

And no matter what you do in life, always do it with passion.

 Amna Naseem

18th May 2013

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To happy goodbyes and new beginnings

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And another year comes to an end, and at times like these people reflect back on to what is, soon going to be what was, and I too look back at how the year was. My year can be described in one word, confusing, yes that it was. I am not much of a decision maker and tend to go with the flow. My heart is the one who just decides suddenly that it wants to jump on a moving train called life and I do so. But this year was filled with decisions, and that confused and pretty much messed up things for me. But being the positive freak I am I said maybe it was meant to be.

In life I like surprises, not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow excites me, because at the end of the day things that happen were meant to happen, yes, definitely what you decide to do can alter them but that’s exactly how they were supposed to happen. But this stupid heart is a heart after all it wants what it doesn’t have, and this is when life becomes utterly confusing and the year 2012 was confusion married to decisions, not a good match I tell you.

When at Indus, life had an aim- to get that degree. Now out of Indus I was brought to a fork on the road at every step I took yeah imagine what a complicated road that is, but I’m glad too through all this confusion, and decisions, I got to know me a bit more better. Though I still don’t know what the coming days bring in to my life, I know me, and that my dear friend can prove to be of greater help in the long run. Knowing yourself is like therapy.

So with lots of prayers in my heart I bid goodbye to another year, and turn my face towards the other that is coming. I pray that this year be full of exciting surprises and things to look forward to. May this year be full of love and compassion and happiness and no I’m not in a fairy tale but yes it doesn’t kill to be hopeful and be positive.

May there be peace on this wonderful planet, and an abundance of humanity and love everywhere.

So let’s just be happy and with a smile bid farewell to 2012 and say a BIG HELLO to 2013.

Love with no expectations, do thing with no regrets, forgive and forget, and last but not the least LET GO….

-Amna Naseem

11.11 am, Monday 31st Dec 2012

Holding On

I was just going through my previous blogs and it amazes me how each piece is ‘what I’m feeling at that moment’ piece. The heart is but a wonderful thing, it makes you feel so many things at the same time and it gets super confusing and then the mind well it has its own reasons.

I had my mini happiness last month when I landed in Kay town on my birthday, it was special. Those 10days of my life I wanted to pause yet they passed by in a blink. I tried to stop and control every feeling of sadness my heart was giving off while leaving for Dubai and seeing my mom standing there saying goodbye to me, my heart just sank, so there I was standing wanting to hug her and cry my heart out yet I stood there like a robot gave her a quick hug and kiss and told her to leave, before the tears that were almost on the edge start dropping.

That moment I realized how hard it is to let go. It’s one of the super hardest thing any emotional freak like me can go through (I can so hear my sister saying drama to all this) but truth is I want to go back. I want to go back ever since I came here. I want to go back because I want to. I want to go back because I can’t let go.

Many times letting go is the only option you have left, and trust me it is one of the best only options anyone can have and actually accept.  Once you let go you realize you should have let gone way before. In fact one of my most used words when advising is let go, let go because it would make things easier, let go even if it kills you.

But in this situation ‘not’ letting go is an option and deep down my heart knows it’s not a bad option or decision. In all this ‘holding on’ is my reason of strength, I look forward to each day because I still hold on. Because I know that going back for once is not going to break me, going back would only make me move forward, going back I know is going to bring something good out of life.

People think I am an emotional fool, oh I so agree to that. But at the end of the day it is who I am and I do what makes me happy. Being rational solves a lot of issues and makes life less complicated, but then what would life be without a little drama in it, boring exactly.

PS- I consulted the brain too by the way and it says do what your heart says.

-Amna Naseem

18th Nov 2012, 2:07  pm

Picture Source- http://www.flickr.com/photos/eunice_fol/6433508487/in/photostream/

Aniticipation <3

At this point in my life I have too much to look forward too, and I would be lying if I say I am not happy, yes happy I am very much and this all happy aura around me has made me realize how looking forward to something can be such an important thing.

There is no book out there or anything that can teach you to be happy and to be honest happiness is something way personal that only comes from within. But this is a definite that looking forward to something can surely perk up a boring day.

I wake up every morning not with doubts or regrets, neither with an aim; I just wake up and enjoy each moment. I try finding happiness in everything, maybe it’s a sip of hot coffee early in the morning or maybe a smile passed by a stranger, it can be the fact that my hair are not messy today, it can be anything. Simply by looking forward to such tiny little everyday things I get happy.

There is also a lot going on in life that is not so happy but what would I get by thinking about it unless there is a possible solution so it goes in to the not so important section of my brain. I believe it is up to us to change things and how we see them as. Nothings perfect and can never be but the least we could do is appreciate whatever we’ve got and that’s what I do and would do.

I’m grateful, for all the love that surrounds me; it is what keeps me going.

17 Oct 2012

2:22 pm

Amna Naseem

Adjusting Times

Today I was sitting and thinking about my first night in Dubai as a resident after 4 years, I was happy that we all were here together at least for a month I had my mom with me. But the moment I entered my room, the very room I had spent my childhood in, my heart sank, two beds were lined up next to each other making it look like a hospital room, the room didn’t call out to me, yet I tried my best on that night to feel at home. I hated my new pillow it was fat, I hated the mattress it was thin. I hated the tea and the milk in it. And I realized I sounded like a whining brat. Even my mom was worried and angry.

Yes, change is hard. Be it in life, in relationship, in job in anything.

Sitting on the super thin mattress, I still hate it by the way; I realize how hard it is to accept change how very mentally it drains you out. It’s the nature of human mind I guess, to highlight everything that’s bad, like people want what they don’t have, and people gossip about what nasty things someone has done. But for once if we try to see the good, your perspective would take a flip, and that’s what I tried doing.

I started adjusting to everything, telling my mind that things will be awesome soon. And three months down the row I learnt the right amount of tea leaves to put to make good tea, my pillow became okay and the mattress well I still have to take care of that. You have to move with the ever changing world; have to update yourself just like one updates their phones, laptops etc. It’s your life and you need to keep blinging it up. I got out of my comfort zone and that was the best thing I did, we all should get out, very often, trust me it will make life easier. I learnt how to adjust to everything and anything that was new.

Party hard, smile a lot, laugh (louddddd) and dance. Meet friends, hang out with people who make you happy, work (coz you need the money) and just chill. And no matter where you are just make the most of each moment!

Ps- the last paragraph is totally inspired by the song Main Sharabi from the movie Cocktail (hahaha do listen to it also listen to the Aziz Mian version for some laughs.)

29th September 2012, Saturday, 2.20 pm

Life and Decisions

Every morning I have to take the metro to work, and I loved how with headphones on the world’s different. I feel myself in each lyric and while looking out the window I imagine locations I might be at singing or dancing to the song. Yes, talk about imagination.

Imagine a world free of worries, imagine a better tomorrow, a better life and then set out to find ways to get that. I believe if everyone does their little bit of being a good human being, this world would be a much peaceful place.

Let’s get down the little personal things. Why plan when you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but then don’t call it a plan call it imagination, yeah or call it a dream. I dreamt of being in Dubai at the back of my head the thought was always there but I never really intended to do it. And here I am coz somewhere along the line it was meant to be. Or maybe because all my life changing decisions are taken in like say 2 minutes, okay maybe I am exaggerating a little, I do think about them a lot and in my head measure the pros and cons but when I actually have to take them, I take them in a blink !

I know I know many of you will be like this is not how you take such huge decisions but I like to think about it this way, that all my decisions are my own and no person living or dead is responsible for them. And that’s why it becomes so easy to take them. I believe unless you don’t jump in how would you know how deep the sea is, okay don’t go about jumping in deep water for real people. It’s just that obviously after weighing the situation and discussing with my brain I take the decision and I make a small promise to myself that I will try my best to swim once I jump, I will give all that I have and that’s how a path is created. Along the journey you learn from your own mistakes, you absorb from the things or people around you. You may hate it, like it or love it, but at the end of it all it was solely your decision and you need to live it with no regrets, okay a wee bit regret but don’t let that get to you.

In fact don’t let anything get to you; create this boundary around you through which only good thoughts can pass. It will take time but it’s not that hard, and no I am not telling you to live in a superficial world where everything’s perfect and people are walking holding hands singing and dancing. Be very much practical about things but don’t let the negatives get to you, even if they do get to you just learn to ignore them- negative thoughts, people, surroundings and so on. If you can’t ignore them then as I said use the boundary it helps definitely does.

So there are many decisions yet to be made, a single yes or no can change your life but have faith in yourself, and in God that everything happens for a reason and no matter what the aftermaths of your decision are, you have it in you to live for the moment, relax and take life as it comes to you.

Ps- I can’t wait to see how long it takes me to say yes or no to a suitable life partner match my mom would find me hahahaha sigh lifeee and the decisions we have to take.

 

Amna Naseem

Thursday 27th September 2012, 11.45 am

Normal Craziness

Some days are just blahs you get up to your routine, come back home and sleep but even in all this normalness (that’s not a word but it’s my invention) you can find things that perk you up. I do it all the time, be it deliberately staring at a stranger while on my way back home just to make them uncomfortable, or buying a donut and then deciding on getting that chocolate you wanted weeks ago (though I totally forgot eating it), watching a good movie and so on goes the list.

Life is as good as you think of it to be, and then make it to be. In order to get something you need to actually believe and think that you can and you will have it, and even if you don’t start planning for something else, move on, its life after all.

Maybe on one of those normal days you can dream (plan) to meet this real hot guy who asks you out (in your imagination of course) who knows you might . Or you could be having that mouth watering red velvet cake, which reminds me I am craving one. So what I mean is life can be very normal but it’s up to you to make it go crazy normal.

One of the major things anyone needs to be is to be themselves. Be you every single day of your life, for the married lot reading this of course compromising is a big deal in every relationship but talk everything out, talk about each and everything you feel to your partner this way he/she would know what you think, how you think and they would know who you are in all this.

Live every day as you want to obviously also caring about the loved ones around you but make sure that the real you is not lost somewhere, give time to YOU too.

Normal might be good but being crazy is awesome. Trust me on that one.

 

Thursday, September 26th 2012, 12.15 pm

Image taken from the link below

http://favim.com/orig/201105/17/beach-boring-girls-normal-typography-Favim.com-48057.jpg

Lost

 

 

 

No matter how much it hurts

All the pain and all the lost trust

I will hold on, and not give up

 

Lost in my own journey

Wandering amidst unknown faces to find your face

I will hold on, and not give up

 

You make me someone I am not

I am missing without you

I will hold on, and not give up

 

Nothing makes sense to me right now

It’s all a game and I am playing

I will hold on, and not give up

 

My life’s a mystery without you

Everything’s a lie and nothings true

I will hold on, and not give up

 

Amna Naseem

8th Sep 2012 , Saturday

1.30pm

Change

Life has changed drastically in these past 3 months. My mind has gone through a lot. I realized life is in a constant changing process, one day your thoughts make you another person the other day another and so on goes the process.

I am trying to hold on to the line that brings me back to being me. At the age of 25 here I am all confused and messed up in my own head. It’s the same thing I went through when I was 16, 17 or maybe 18 too, things just combine and one cannot make sense of one thing being apart from another, it happens every once in a while and when it does a transformation happens, good or bad that’s in your hands, is your decision.

One day I am happy the other I am just too depressed to think straight, it’s a major case of extreme highs and lows. One good thing that always comes out from this mental state is I get close to knowing me each day. Call me crazy or maybe sentimental but I do feel a lot about everything that matters to me, thus the impact on my mind and heart is higher.

Life is meant to be lived to its fullest wherever you are, that’s my mantra, many times you will be sucked into situations that will drain every bit of hope and energy from your soul but being positive about things will and always do the trick, at least it has for me. I tell myself everyday that it’s a new day whatever is happening was meant to be and this fills my heart with a little peace. As the day comes to an end my mind starts its messy tricks again and I am in doubt about everything, a fight starts between me and me, and I tell you it’s no fun to witness.

There are days when I’m not so strong, I want to cry at everything even if the water in my bottle has finished I would feel like crying, if I can’t find something in my bag I would cry, that’s how messed up it gets. It doesn’t get over unless I cry my heart out obviously in secret because no one would understand and I would not be able to explain.

Being positive is not that all easy.  When so much is going on in life, when you can’t understand what to do, but it’s not that hard too. It’s all in the mind, you have to play games with the mind, staying happy when not happy is a trick everyone needs to learn because in the long run it is the most important thing you can have in you. I have learned you need to believe that things will be better and they do, eventually everything might fall in to place not the way you wanted it to but it will and things happen for a reason, let them be. Learn to let go, live for the moment, forgive, forget things that hurt. Smile, be the reason for someone elses smile. Do things that make you happy- read, write, sleep, cook enjoy your own company first, sort things out, take time. Mostly just let things happen the way they have to happen after you have done everything in your power to make them happen your way.

I have realized this whole process of struggling each day is making me a stronger individual, emotion wise, I am one step closer in knowing myself each day, and I’m glad to go through all this alone and not with someone attached to my life i.e. a life partner, being single has its own awesome perks definitely. As each day passes I am a much better person in my mind than I was,each day I have not a clear but a new perspective on things and am ready to face life.

Life is like a puzzle, with bits of pieces coming together making it one. Right now my puzzle is all jumbled up I can’t make sense of which piece to put where. It will all come together I know I believe it will, yet there will be some pieces missing but that’s how life is you can’t have it all yet I am grateful, honestly grateful for what all I have.

So even after a messed up mind  life is good, it changes every day, people change, things change, change is good. The struggle is to embrace change and the process that in return changes you. Accepting who you are and what makes you different is a major thing.

A positive attitude is what keeps me going at the end of it all. And a tiny bit of hope that grows each day, hope that I will figure it out and even if I don’t things will get better.

Live life and love life.

Sunday September 23rd 2012, 12.50 pm

Amna Naseem Ahmed

Image taken from portfolio of Jessica Walsh

http://www.behance.net/jessicawalsh